So I went to see Noah Eli Gordon and he read poems about televisions and microphones. He read very bad poems about televisions and microphones. If I ever write poems like that, I hope that someone will do something horrible to me so that I never do it again.
I didn't want to make fun of Noah Eli Gordon. It's really just too easy to make fun of artists who are normally the most abnormal of all of us, but I think he invites ridicule. He has sleeves of tattoos that look like they were bought as some kind of package deal with an identity. You know the kind of tattoos that put you in clique but mean absolutely nothing. Fashion tattoos.
His poetry is the kind of soulless poetry that makes me want to take a crap and leave poetry forever. It embarrasses me. His big long poem about microphones went something like this.
Crappy Crap Crapstar
This microphone looks like a big cock.
Crap crap crap
crap crap crap
crap crap crap
This microphone is made in China like everything else
crap crap crap
crap crap crap
crap crap
This microphone, if you haven't noticed, is black.
Crap crap
crappy crap
crapcrap
I am going to suck off this microphone while you all watch because that's what I do. I suck.
Crap.
I love you, microphone.
[wipes brow, spits]
Sorry for parody. I didn't want to do it, but I feel a lot better now. Thanks for reading.
